The Thinning

Protein, fat, carbs, fiber and vitamins,

Labels on a bottle are my bible.

They speak to me in numbers and chemicals,

Egging me on towards a yoga mat and dumbells.

 

I wake up on a scale.

It rings the alarm in my head.

Pop a pill, run a mile, climb a hill,

Come back down, crash and burn till I’m back in bed.

 

The doctor says I’m doing better,

‘Keep eating healthy, more greens, less butter.’

Appointment success, check; Waste of time, check,

I run back home and purge till I’m sick.

 

I can smell the sugars and fat you know,

The fatty hands squeeze my senses till I’m nauseous.

‘Eat, eat, eat. Don’t just sit there, eat.’

So I stuff my face with junk and make it healthy with couscous.

 

Between breakfast, lunch, snacks and dinner,

My life struggles to keep up with my diet.

Surrounded by the strings of a cheeseburger,

I dodge their grasp, I make do with just a bite.

 

Push ups, sit ups, pull ups, you name it.

I do them all, I pull myself up.

Up and down all the way,

As I run straight to the bathroom to throw up the day.

 

Ding! It’s dinner time. Ah! Let’s say grace.

There are some beans, rice and curry.

“Pray for good health”, a quick math in my head,

“Pray for this wonderful life”, it is 500 calories.

 

I force a smile, chew deliberately and play with my food.

Get told off (for the hundredth time),

Open my mouth for all to see that I have swallowed.

Get their approval- All’s good.

 

Time for a quick selfie. I do look fine.

Two years of a conscious diet has brought out a glow.

My cheekbones are high and so are my spirits,

Never mind the bones or the shadows in the hollows.

 

Snap! Post! All done. Progress is continuous.

The scale does not lie, unlike my hips.

It’s almost time for bed, just one more thing to do.

Bottles of vitamins in the morning make way to a bottle of laxatives at night.

 

I sleep on a bag of bones.

It stings my back but numbs my head.

Pop the laxative, run a mile, purge the fatty groans.

Come back down, crash and burn till I’m done and dead.

 

 

~16th July 2017

 

 

 

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