I woke up one day, and a brilliant idea came to my mind.
I brushed off the dust in my hair, and scrunched up my behind.
I saw how the photographers had proceeded in their projects.
But I, barely with a functional camera, have never captured my subjects.
Never mind that, I told myself, I am a pro,
I shall do this like any worthless trite worm; I’ll give it a go.
So, I held my beloved canon at arm’s length,
To succeed in this endeavor, it would take all my strength.
So, here is the overview — take a photo of myself everyday,
Everyday, for the next twelve years, and stop on my birthday.
You see, the plan is brilliant, oh yes, the world would gape in awe,
Or, I may just get a lonely grandma’s “Awww”.
`Tis no time to ponder, linger or waste,
Time is money and I have to make haste,
I am going to create a masterpiece, a genius work of abstract art,
You, my friend, are going to wonder, where’s the end now, where’s the start?
So, back to now, I erect my lovely mechanical friend on his pedestal,
I set the time to ten seconds and play some heavy metal,
You see, I need to get into my element in order to perform,
And music complements art, mmmm, I smell of fruity perfume.
Oh how I digress! Let me check if I’m ready,
Part my hair to one side, stand nice and steady,
A gorgeous smile at the camera, I’m a celebrity,
A tilt of the head, a flash, and I’m blind, oh pity!
Day 1, done! Moving on, I have my chores to finish,
I’ll come back to you, my friend, you’ll need more polish,
After all, you have to work for twelve years from now,
And then, I’ll meet you, you’ll see the brilliance and exclaim ‘Wow!’.
`Tis the day of reckoning, of one last shot,
At the giant cannon in front of me, I skip and trot,
For it is the day, my birthday, and twelve years later,
I’m to be rewarded for my hard work, the prettier, the better.
Did I mention that I have not seen the pictures?
You see, I didn’t want to jinx them or impose strictures.
So, here we go, I’m going to transfer them
And then we’ll make a time lapse and cause mayhem!
Transfer, done, click to open aaaaaaaaand…. WHAT????!!
Where are the pictures? All I see is black naught!
There must be a mistake. Twelve years worth of pictures gone down the drain,
Oh heavens, what have I done?! (Adele’s singing ‘Set fire to the rain’).
I’ll check my camera, I’m sure it looks alright in there,
But wait, what’s this? Why is everything black here?
“Stupid camera, why did you betray me?”
I shake him and curse him to a life of dark infinity.
Clank! What’s that sound?
Something’s fallen to the ground.
It’s round and black and plastic.
It’s the barking lens cover! Oh that’s fantastic!